Couples Therapy for New and Expectant Parents
The transformative impact of preparing for the arrival of a baby and adjusting to life afterward can’t be overstated. It’s a monumental shift, and you and your partner are different people now. You both want this, and worked hard to prepare, so it can feel especially frustrating when you don’t feel as connected to your partner during this time as you’d hoped.
Perhaps some of these feel familiar…
If you both are in high-demand careers, timing around starting a family can be a fraught conversation. You know you want this, but planning around systems like tenure clocks and training schedules adds a layer of complexity that gets in the way of staying connected to each other.
As baby’s arrival approached, you each prepared in your own way. But somehow those ways left one of you feeling alone and the other inadequate, and that cycle continues.
The baby didn’t sleep much last night, and neither did either of you. Bleary-eyed, one of you expresses a need and it somehow devolves into a cycle of criticism and blame.
You cobbled together parental leaves from work, but now you’re both heading back. The overwhelm has hit you both like a brick wall. Now, deciding who will empty the dishwasher and who will make dinner feels like a minefield - one of you feels abandoned and the other feels they can never live up to their partner’s expectations.
You’ve read all the books, but now there’s a tiny human in front of you and the stakes are high. Aligning on schedules, strategies and care feels more difficult than you anticipated, and it’s starting to wear you both down.
Becoming parents has transformed you, in some incredible ways. A lot of times, you can feel into how beautiful that is together, but other times, it feels like your partner is a stranger, and you wonder if it will ever feel like it did before.
You both wanted to start a family, and prepared as well as anyone can. Though you sometimes don’t want to admit it, you are smart enough to recognize that this feels like more than you can handle. You long to be able to enjoy this time, and come together as partners to do so.
What We Do in Sessions
Couples therapy for new and expectant parents is a chance to intentionally slow down and connect meaningfully with one another. It’s dedicated time for the two of you to be supported in hearing and seeing one another more clearly. It’s a path back to being in this together.
We begin with a session with both of you together. I’ll learn about your relationship and history together. We’ll start to talk through goals. Then, I’ll meet with each of you 1:1. This is your chance to share with me your story, and how things are feeling for you in the relationship, before we move into the rest of our work all together.
In session, we will be honest and unflinching about the reality of the demands of life as new parents. We will also create space to identify and voice your equally real longings and desires in your relationship. This is where we rebuild the bond between the two of you, so you can feel like you’re in it together.
I won’t give you homework - our work is contained in session. That’s where the change happens. You show up, commit to the work with an open mind, and I will move you through it.
My approach is empathetic, intentional, and warm. You can trust that I won’t let things get too heated, and I’m not afraid to interrupt to ensure we stay on track. I am not a “smile and nod” therapist. You can also trust that I won’t serve as a judge, handing down rulings or taking sides. In couples therapy, I see your relationship as my client. My job is to help the two of you feel like you’re in it together.
Our work is confidential and private. I don’t work with insurance, and there is no diagnostic paper trail following you.
Many of my clients wait too long to reach out. They feel they can muscle through on their own, and that things will get better with time. The truth is, time doesn’t improve your connection, but it can entrench disconnection and resentment. Reaching out for support now means preventing months and years of that lonely feeling while you’re right next to the person you care about most.
What Getting Better Looks Like
It’s the same life; it just all feels more doable and supported.
When you’re making decisions on preparations or baby’s care, you can trust that your partner fully understands your perspective. When late nights and lack of sleep wear patience thin, you have a reserve of trust to lean into that keeps you connected. The resentment and criticism cycle fades when you know how to reassure one another in new ways, and ask for what you need more clearly.
What you want is for both of you are able to ask for what you want and need and know your partner will respond calmly. You can both feel like your partner actually listens, that you can say what you need to say and solve problems together without things getting heated.
The goal of couples work isn’t zero conflict: all relationships include ruptures and necessary and healing repairs. But after therapy, every rupture doesn’t feel like proof that their entire life has to change before it can feel better. They start to trust one another in new ways.
What I hear clients say most often is that they start to feel that they’re “in it together” and the security they derive from that is an immense relief. The work demands don’t go away, but it all feels so much more doable now. They are free to be the parents they long to be, and enjoy their life with their partner at the same time.
If this would feel like a relief to you, schedule a 25 min consult today. I’m looking forward to connecting with you.