Couples Therapy for Strengthening a Good Relationship
Not every couple is in distress when they seek therapy. Many of the couples I work with tell me that their relationship is great, but they know things can be even better. They want to improve communication, rekindle passion, or find deeper emotional intimacy.
Perhaps some of these feel familiar…
Life with your partner is wonderful, but the typical routine is starting to feel like autopilot: even the date nights are feeling ordinary
You can work out most conflicts on your own (and you’re even good at repair!) but there’s also that one topic you both avoid, since it always seems to bring up conflict. You’re worried that if it comes up at the wrong time, it could erupt big time.
When you do have conflict, you can script out exactly what it will look like. One of you wants to talk it out, and the other just wants to back away and stop the fighting. You’re both frustrated that you always seem to have the same fight over and over, even if it’s not too often.
You suspect that there’s more to know about your partner. You long to go deep with them, to know them on a more intimate emotional level, but it’s hard to break your surface level patterns and go there.
You love and respect each other already. Maybe you’re on the verge of a big transition: a move, a new job, starting a business, getting married, growing your family. And you know that investing in the security of your bond will pay dividends now and in the future.
What We Do in Sessions
We’ll start with a session with both of you together. I’ll learn about your relationship and history together. We’ll start to talk through goals. Then, I’ll meet with each of you 1:1. This is your chance to share with me your story, and how things are feeling for you in the relationship, before we move into the rest of our work all together.
In session, we will create space to identify and voice your equally real longings and desires in your relationship. You’ll learn how to identify and name your own experience and share it clearly with your partner. Many clients tell me when we get to this stage “This is new. I’ve never heard my partner share this before.” It’s exciting to get to know one another in this new way. This is where we strengthen the bond between the two of you, so you can feel like you’re in it together.
I won’t give you homework - our work is contained in session. That’s where the change happens. You show up, commit to the work with an open mind, and I will move you through it.
My approach is empathetic, intentional, and warm. You can trust that I won’t let things get too heated, and I’m not afraid to interrupt to ensure we stay on track. I am not a “smile and nod” therapist. You can also trust that I won’t serve as a judge, handing down rulings or taking sides. In couples therapy, I see your relationship as my client. My job is to help the two of you feel into that connection in deeper and deeper ways.
Our work is also confidential and private.
Many of the clients I work with at this stage are hesitant to get professional help. They are wondering if it’s really “that bad.” Here’s the truth: you do not have to wait for your relationship to be truly suffering before you take some intentional time to support it.
What Getting Better Looks Like
There’s a new spark to your days. Moments of passion and excitement. You feel newly connected to the person that’s been yours for so long.
You no longer have to fear that “it” will come up at the wrong time: you trust that the two of you will be able to talk through anything that comes up while staying connected to each other. When your cycle shows up, you’re both able to see it in real time, and interrupt it. You stay connected and name the emotion under the distress.
Both of you want to be able to ask for what you want and know your partner will respond calmly. And you both want to feel like your partner actually listens, that you can say what you need to say and solve problems together without things getting heated.
The goal of couples work isn’t zero conflict: all relationships include ruptures and necessary and healing repairs. The goal is that the ruptures don’t keep you disconnected from one another, and they in fact offer opportunities to become even closer.
Secure relationships take effort, and engaging in this work together can be such a powerful and efficient way to get there.
If you’re ready to level up your relationship, schedule a 25 min consult today. I’m looking forward to connecting with you.